Nana and Papa Millgate

YESTERDAY IS DEAD AND GONE & TOMORROW IS OUT OF SIGHT!

2009-08-26T06:53:00.003-06:00

Big name. The finish is the answer to a question I was asked yesterday. How long have you been a survivor? Well I am doing Chemo again, they found more cancer, I am feeling crappy, my hair is going to start falling out and I have sores up and down my mouth and digestive system. So I didn't know how to answer that question but I do now. How long have I been a survivor? TODAY - Because that is all there is. And can I tell you how grateful I am for that.

MY BABIES:
Jerry
Kandiss, Jeff, Nataly, Sydney, Talmage
Tasha, Ben, Cash, Gabby
Whitney
The rest of my family and all you friends.

You keep me a survivor today and everyday.

One thing after 20 cuts under the scapulae this year there is this one place on my left chest which is where my babies always lay their little heads and I love them. But they put this port thing in and Gabby just blasts her little head there like a cannonball. Ouch. Got any suggestions? I will keep her and yank out that big chunk of medical implant of some sort. It is supposed to help!!!

The sun just came up and I need to get ready for the day. This is my favorite time of day. It means I still have the whole day. Even on days when I can't make it through the whole day. Some days I wear the orangutan shirt of my Dad's and I feel him around me and reminding me that it is about the babies whether they are the flavor of the month or not. You know he is right.

Good Morning---

Riding Nat's scooter....

2009-05-17T19:13:00.004-06:00

When my paetents were up at my house a few weeks ago we were out side playing and my dad decided to be a nerd. Nataly challenged him that he could't ride her scooter. Here is a video of him being his goofy self!!

Race for the Cure

2009-05-12T08:01:00.005-06:00

This last Saturday we were in SL and did the Race for the Cure. It was amazing!!! To see all the people there supporting the cause. I had all of kids there and their kids. My sis ter Lorna and her kids were there too. Kandiss had some of her friends walking for us.

It's been 33 years!

2009-03-25T08:34:00.005-06:00

Today is my mom and dad's anniversary of 33 years. They have such a great relation ship. They are both so busy! My mom has been realy busy taking care of grandma that's why she hasn't done any blogging. Here are some pictures of the past 33 years. We love you mom and dad!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Mom & Dad

2009-02-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

Well a little update on my Mom & Dad. Things are definitely going downhill. Mom has a pretty good long term memory. Short term is completely short term. Maybe 5 minutes. She is falling a lot. She fell in October a couple of times and one time broke her wrist in two places. It is just now healing. Then she fell the first of January down the stairs in the middle of the night. She broke her back and dad had to call 911. She is suffering a lot from the pain. I think it is time to stop the Chemo. She has lived 3 years longer than they gave her in October 2005. At that time they gave 6 weeks to six months. She still wants to live. It breaks my heart everyday to see her this way. Even with all of this she seldom complains. In fact I have to grill her to tell me what is wrong so that I might be able to help her. Most of the time I can't seem to do anything. After having cancer myself and going through six months of Chemo I am amazed at her silent drive. She had an MRI yesterday and tomorrow the may do a small surgery on her back. I don't know if she can handle it but she said if it might help lets do it.

The hardest thing for me is to feel irritated with her sometimes. She is such a great woman/angel that I feel guilty getting frustrated. I just want to have my Mom back. Everyday before I go in to get her up to feed her breakfast and get her going my heart quits beating because I am afraid that she won't be OK. My Dad is scared and lonely. I try to take care of as much as possible but most of the problems do not have a solution. I try not feel failure. My prayer is that through all of this that I am able to teach my children compassion and service with unconditional love. That is what my Mother was an example through her whole life. I could always count on Mom for support and love and I miss her all of her everyday. The world is different without her.

I can't leave out my Father. He has always provided for our family in a completely different way. He taught to work hard and long hours. He taught to have courage. And now at this late time in his life he is teaching me to be humble. That what you have when you are young is changed in a moment as you get older. He comes downstairs almost everyday when I am working and just wants to talk. He is lonely and afraid. He repeats a lot. But I don't mind anymore. It is something I will be able to hold and to and share and giggle about later. I have not been in their shoes and have no great words of wisdom to share with them and just want to have a few more memories. Through all of this I am thankful for the blessings and gifts I have found along the way. I hold these things dear to my heart and pray that I become a little more like my parents. It is a difficult way to learn about the joy of service but I learn a little more each day.

Update - I am so bad at this!

2009-02-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

Well we went to SLC to see Nat & Syd dance in the concert. Weather was terrible. Tasha and the kids came with us. They were pretty good. It was different driving with kids again. The fog was so scary. We didn't even know where we were.

The girls were so cute. They dance and run around. Syd makes me a nervous wreck I am so afraid she will fall and hit her head. She doesn't seem to concerned. They were so excited to see Cash & Gabby. Nataly just loves smothering Gabby and she likes it for a long time. Tasha likes the time off. Cash loves the stairs and the kids. I love being together with all of them. I miss Kandiss and her family.

Saturday we went to she Helen (Grandma Millgate) in Layton. We couldn't find her. We called around but to no success. We did find out from Willa that Mandy had had her baby the night before. He was about a month early. He had major heart problems including a hole and a few other things. Major stuff. We knew this ahead. So we decided to go see Mandy at the hospital.

As we walked into Primary Children's Mike Millgate jumped out of the Cafeteria and grabbed us. What a shock. Their new little baby boy was in the hospital also. He had RSV. They had not even had a chance to see him or take him home. We ate lunch with Mike, Shelly and Betty. We love these guys and always enjoy their company. We laugh, cry, swear, find out news and reminisce but most of all enjoy knowing each other.

I got to go see their baby boy. He is precious and handsome. Good luck guys I believe you will be great together.

They have little police cars that the kids can ride in and drive around at the hospital and Cash went crazy over them. We let him drive it almost all the way to the U of U to see Mandy. He was mad when we made him get out but as we were walking towards the U he saw a digger and crane outside the window and then he was mesmerized. Finally we got to see Mandy. She was a little out of it. We only stayed a few minutes because we had the kids and they seemed like they had more than they could deal with. Mandy is so little she seemed like she should be at the kids hospital instead. But she great big in her soul, what a special person she is. We didn't get to see Willa and Bob because we had to get back to she our flashy little ballerinas. Our prayers are with all of you in this difficult time.

I have to say that I do not like driving in all this N. Utah weather. Yuck. I do love SLC. Back to Stansbury Park. Kandiss took the kids to dress rehearsal and Syd was not having anything to do with getting on the stage. I don't blame her it was a big stage and she is so little. She loves dancing and performing but not on that stage at this time. It was great for me because she sat on my lap for a long time during the concert and I loved it. Finally she did her own little performance and we all had a front row up close private concert. Nataly gets on stage and the audience or at least our area went crazy. She smiled and waved and performed like a star. She is such a great kid. Cute as can be. Kandiss was stressed when Syd wouldn't get on stage at practice but by the time the concert came she offered her the chance to perform and sat behind the curtains just in case Syd changed her mind but no such luck.

These weekends are way to short. The drive home was miserable. The roads were scary and the kids got sick of sitting for hours in car seats. My back was at it's worst. Jerry was very uptight. But we made it home safely. The kids were so excited to get out of the car. Their dad came to get them. They were all excited to be together. I wish that we could spend more time with Ben. We always enjoy being with him and his little family. Love ya Ben.

This weekend would have been almost perfect is we could have had Whitney with us also. It seems to be a long time in between when we can be together as a family. I never thought I wouldn't be together with my children and their families. It saddens my heart. I enjoy being with all of them. They show me about joy.

Super Bowl Sunday was fun. We made a nice dinner with new recipes. A lot of work but I wanted to do it. My back on the other hand did not enjoy it at all. Ben & Tasha came with kids and we had a good time. Later Whitney and Steve came for a little while. We missed Kandiss and her family. Didn't care about the Super Bowl. It is just a nice time to get together. Jerry, Tasha and Ben played Rock Band and had a good time. I don't get the game but I don't get a lot of things.

Lorna & Tom and family came down for New Years to help out with Mom and Dad. It was great having the help. Karan and Tim came down last weekend and again thanks for the help. We always love having the help and the time together. Shannon and Larry should be coming this month and we look forward to seeing them and having the help with our parents. Then it starts all over again. This is great and such a help. Love you guys.

Remember brothers and sisters January 23, 2010. Aloha!

Pictures driving to SLC

2009-01-30T18:48:00.000-07:00

Kandiss here are the pictures!

2009-01-30T18:41:00.000-07:00

Mom you are SLACKING!!!

2009-01-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

We need to get my mom back into blogging again! She hasn't blogged for a while. So every body tell her to start again.

Movin on, again!

2009-01-21T15:05:00.000-07:00

To read this start at the bottom first or it won't make much sense. It may not anyway. I do still have Chemo Brain.

Just about the time I think I can get myself together life just keeps on going. It has been such a long time since I have written that I don't know where to begin. So here it is "WE ALL MADE IT". Sounds crazy I know but we live the loco life. Maybe I will go backwards.

January 10, 2009
I flew home from SLC and the snow and the yuck. I had to leave my baby girls, Nataly & Sydney. Kandiss and Jeff also. It is always bittersweet when I have to leave. I miss that little family everyday of my life. This time it was even harder to leave because Syd had just come home from the hospital. See is doing well considering that her head had been cut open just a few days earlier. Wow, I stand all amazed at the love and power that consistently is displayed to me and my family. Dr's who can do brain surgery and nurses who can fix it after and Mommies who stay in a hospital chair day after day. A husband and two daughters so far away and so concerned. There was a real turning moment for Syd a couple of days after her surgery. At Primary Children's they have a play room that has toys and computers and so many other wonderful things for the patients and their siblings. Kandiss carried Syd up one floor and down the big hall with Syd half laying and half sitting in her arms trying not to hurt. It was so sad. Well this time was music therapy time, singing. I watched Syd's eyes brighten for the first time while we there singing and even when she started getting bad again she wouldn't let us leave until the last note had been played. She really started to brighten up after that. Thanks to all those who put in time to make a difference in these children's lives.

January 6, 2009
Jumped out of bed showered, packed and got ready to leave. Early morning radiation treatment. Not just one of the 33. The last treatment. Who knew it would really ever be done. A huge thanks to the radiation dept. for your kindness and gentleness and all the lotion. Today I am terrified. Syd is having a surgery on her little head, brain and neck. I haven't slept for days. Jerry takes me to the airport. I hate to fly but this time I must. I had surgery on my back four days earlier so I couldn't drive that far. Lorna picked me up at the airport and took me to the hospital. I enjoy being with her we have shared a lot of our lives together. We get to the hospital and my heart is so raw but I tried to be strong for Kandiss and Syd. They said she did well in the surgery and looked like everything was going well. Syd looked in pain. She like most children when they are in need just want their Mom. I kissed her and touched her softly when a big tear dropped on her little head. Funny but I don't remember much other than the layout of that little room and how uncomfortable the chairs are. I do remember Syd laying there on her side for hours and days. Slowly she smiled a half smile and my heart soared and I knew she was doing well. Finally, she got grumpy and it was time to move outside of the little room. I am shocked every time I think things are bad and someone next to me will make my situation seem so bearable. This happened over and over at that hospital even though I could not think of anything that could have been worse than what Sydney had and her surgery. Just when you think that life will slow down for a moment because there is something life threatening you get a call from someone who is pain and is suffering. But blessings are abundant even when you are afraid.

January 3, 2009
My radiation Dr. and his staff have come in today/Sat. and New Years Day so that I can make to SLC for Sydney's surgery. They came in both days so that I could get all my treatments. They came in only for me can you believe it? Another gift. Another blessing.

January 2, 2009
I had back surgery. I hope it starts to help.

January 1, 2009
Spent the day with family. Love those babies. All four and a fifth on the way. Wow can't believe how much I enjoy them. I love my girls also. They are wonderful people and they give me great joy.

New Years Resolution:
Never say next year will be better.
Lose judgement of others.
Serve when the opportunity comes available.
Find the opportunity to serve in small ways it makes a big difference to someone.

December 29, 2008
Were we all at my parents the Thayn's, having a great time. Dad got a phone call about the storage units and I had to take the call. I'm heading down stairs to take care of the problem and talking to the client. Then bam my feet flip out from under me and you won't believe it but I fell down the stairs again. Went to the hospital and found out I broke my tailbone. Can't do anything for that. Wow does that hurt.

December 31, 2008
Jerry worked at First Night. We, Kandiss, Jeff, Nataly, Sydney and myself went to first night until it was too cold. Came home early and went to bed about 10:30. The kids tried to stay up to see the fireworks and bang on pans. They fell asleep also.

Love having my little family together.

Christmas 2008
We spent Christmas with Kandiss, Jeff, Nataly & Sydney. It was great. Everyone seemed to have such a good time. After the opening of the gifts we got cleaned up and went to Lorna's for a great breakfast and good company. Thanks for keeping this tradition going. Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve 2008
Jerry and I went to Gary and Kay Carters home for a traditional family gathering. This is my uncle home on my fathers side. He is no longer with us but it was so nice to see my cousins. Mont, Joe and Jane, Wade and his daughter, and Kay and her new husband were all there. I haven't seen Wade for years it was nice to see him again. I really miss my cousin Fred. I always looked forward to being with him it leaves a hole in my family without him.

Then we came home to Kandiss' house and spent the evening with them. My back was in so much pain. The kids were so cute. They get all wired up and energy sparks fly from them. I wish I could put in a glass and drink that energy drink. I always love the kids hair when you take out the hair pretties especially Syd's. She had crazy hair. It is so her.

4:30 AM Christmas Eve Morning
Crash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel down the stairs. Couldn't move for a few minutes. Jerry freaked out. He got me up and layed down for a few minutes. It didn't help. I told him to take me to the hospital. Broke my back. My T9 & T10. They gave me an IV of pain meds and I started to relax and feel a little better. Be careful with your back you only get the one. This is so crappy. I can hardly hold the kids on my lap.

December 21, 2008
Went to Wolf Creek for three days. Freezing cold. Lot's of snow. Had a great time. Stressed driving. Nat and Syd rode the sleds outside and had a ball. They enjoy everything so much. It's so fun being with them.

December 19, 2008
Went to SLC. Always enjoy going back home. Went and saw Helen. Went over to Jessie's home. It is really cute.

Tasha, Ben, Cash, Gabby, and Whitney were suppossed to go with us to spend the holidays together as a family but life just didn't work out this time. We always miss them when there not there. I would love to all be close together. Someday we get a picture with all my grandkids looking the same direction at the same time. Or maybe not.

Can't remember everything I wanted to say so maybe I will post again later.

Needle in my boob!

2008-12-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

Well to make a long story short I have had a new complication. My right breast has filled with fluid which looks like an implant but it is on the side instead of in front so it didn't help and only looked deformed. So after radiation the Dr. had me come over to his office and he did an ultrasound. Then he called the surgeon and he said he didn't want to wait and had me come over there. At this point I am terrified. We get into his office and he has his surgery table all set up and he checks me out and does another ultrasound. Then he preps me and away we go. Needles in boobs is not fun!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway they took out 240 cc of fluid that they are testing for everything. They are not sure what caused the problem in the first place. But I could sleep on side again and I am not feeling the pressure anymore. So maybe we can get back to recovery during radiation. I really am feeling sooooooo much better. I think I might be normal again soon. The problem with my Sydney has my soul in distress but she is bright and strong and I have some faith in this. If you read this please pray for her often it is the most powerfull thing we can do for her. Then we must leave it the hands of the lord and those who have trained to heal.
Love,
Kathlene

100 days of Chemo over

2008-11-20T11:21:00.000-07:00

Well I am finally past my 100 days of chemo nightmare. I am starting to feel a little better everyday. I started raddiation on Monday and it so far doesn't seem too bad. I do however, have to expose my breast daily to strangers. Maybe after the seven weeks they will no longer be stangers. Anyway it is better than Chemo. Jerry and I went to Pismo Beach last week. We had a very nice time. I still get very tired and there are times when I am still not feeling well. But the ocean is a wonderful healer. I would put some pictures on but we didn't take any. Jerry and I must have said at least a hundred times "the kids would love it here", we hope to go together as a family someday soon. Thank you all for your support and prayers they have been great.

New back ground

2008-11-01T14:46:00.001-06:00

So I know last month was Breast Cancer month. But I saw this back ground on the cutest blog on the block and I thought that it was perfect for my mom.

I feel shitty!!!!!!!

2008-10-29T14:37:00.000-06:00

It's been one week since my last chemo. I keep hoping to feel normal again and now I think I have forgotten what normal is. I am trying to have faith and know that time will make things different. But today I am weak. I am shaking and I feel like I am only part way here. My mouth is sore and it feels like alligator skin. It hurts and feels foreign, like everything about me. I hope that I can be me again. It's strange when your not you. It has a feeling of being intoxicated but it is not fun. My fingers hurt and don't feel attached. My toes are like blocks of wood.
My skin is bagging everywhere on me. I feel like I look like the frozen lady in the tub in the movie "The Shining". My favorite scary movie. I think I needed to go have some hydration today but I didn't have anyone who could drive me and I am sure that I would be arrested if I got caught driving. So I told Mom & Dad that I needed to go home. Hope the office is OK. I am afraid that I will always be tired. I can't even walk upstairs without needing to take a break. I want to be me again. I pray it is possible. Hopefully this is my last whining blog. I am supposed to go have my nails done today even that sounds like way to much work. The good news from this session of chemo is Mom didn't have chemo. Her kidney function was way down. So lucky her she is taking a break. But they always weigh you and I have to tell everyone that by their scale I have lost 109 pounds. Can you believe it. I can't. I am looking forward to enjoying some shopping when I feel better. I think I wear a size 14. Almost a 12 but definately not a 24! I hope the chemo and the radiation haven't caused permenant damage to my stomach and all that I had done. I know there will be some damage but hopefully most I will be able to work through. Well I can't stand listening to me whine so that is all for now. I will write back when I feel better. I Love all of you and am thankful for your thoughts, prayers and calls.
Love,
Nana Kathlene

Family Photos

2008-10-26T08:45:00.000-06:00

Cash gets a haircut by Kandiss

2008-10-26T08:40:00.000-06:00

Sydney's birthday at Nana's

2008-10-26T08:34:00.000-06:00

Last Chemo Session

2008-10-25T08:40:00.000-06:00

On Wednesday I had my last chemo session. Yeah! So now for the next couple of weeks I will feel pretty sick and miserable. But there seems to be an end soon. Mom is gettng a break for a while. The Dr. thinks she needs a little break from chemo. I think it will be a good break for her she has been through so much. Her kindneys are in a little trouble so we will see what happens after we meet with the Dr.

Dad and I went to a costume party last night. It was fun but I didn't feel so well. But it was fun to dress up and go out. Dad went as a plumber with a plumbers crack and all. I went as a vampire. I actually fit into this costume which felt great. I just sat there most of the night because I felt to shakey to stand up and walk around.

In about three weeks I will start to feel better then I start six weeks of radiation. The radiation makes you very weak and tired but you usually are not sick. This is something to look forward to. It's funny how you change what you ook forward to.

INFO!!!!!!!
The Thayn Family is having a traditional Thanksgiving on the Friday after Thanksgiving so we don't interfere with everyone else. Please make every effort to participate. This may be the important holiday of the year. Mom will be off her chemo and hopefully feel better. Try not to miss this.

10-09-08

2008-10-09T13:08:00.000-06:00

My mom asked me to journal for her today. She is really sick with this chemo treatment. It's made her really tired, shaky and nauseated. My dad is going to take her into the doctor and get her hydrated. Which this will make her feel better.
It's been kindof a bummer cause she doens't really want to talk on the phone or do anything and she is really grumpy. I know that's because she doesn't feel good. She has also been really busy with grandma. Also stressing about her too!!!
Grandma went into the hospital on Monday with chest pains. They had her stay for a few days so they could run some tests on her. After all the tests came back they decided just to do and angeogram. The doctor thought that this would be best for her right now. When they were doing the angeogram they found that two of her valves were clogged. They said that their not going to do any thing with those right now. But on a postitive note her heart is pumping hard and is healthy. Grandma is home and doing better. Thats good!
So, in the mean time keep praying for my mom and grandma. Also for my dad he is still having a hard time (he wont admitt it though). Thanks for all your prayers!

10-3-08

2008-10-03T16:23:00.000-06:00

So today my mom asked me to blog for her. She is not feeling very good! Yesterday was chemo for her and grandma. It was such a busy day for them both. They were both so tired.
After chemo my mom took grandma to the neurologist to find out what is going on. Because a few weeks ago she had a cat scan, so this was a follow up. The doctor told them that she has a mild form of dementia. He is going to put her on some medicine that will help bring back her memory. Grandma also went and had a blood transfusion.
So while grandma was getting her blood transfusion, my mom was having some therapy on her right arm. The reason for the therapy is because she has been having lymph edema. Which is swelling, pain, lumps in arm and numbness. Therapist said, that it may or may not go away with in a year. Also if it hasn't gone away within the year she will probably have it the rest of her life. But she said that she really likes the treatments that they do. She said that they feel really good.
When they were both done with their appointments, my mom took her and grandma to the pharmacy and their meds. Then they both went home and went to sleep.
Well as you can tell it has been very hard for her and grandma. So we start all over again and for the next couple of weeks she is going to be down and not feeling good.

So, mom PLEASE take care of you and not worry about any one else. We love you! Take care.

Love,
Kandiss

09-15-08 (74 Days Left)

2008-09-15T18:34:00.000-06:00

This is my 5th day since chemo and I feel terrible. Mom fell last night when she went to go to the bathroom. She has a black eye. I am so worried about her. When I got to her house he had not taken her meds on Sunday. I had her take her meds today. It is hard to keep up with Mom & Dad's needs.

Friday my computer broke and would not start. It has frozen me completely a far as business goes. Our checks should be out tomorrow. The computer guy called me while I was sleeping and went to Mom & Dad's to put it back together again.

09-11-08 Catch up time (78 days left)

2008-09-11T20:36:00.000-06:00

Well yesterday I had my second session of chemo. My veins are getting tired on my left arm. I didn't have a reaction to the chemo this time which was very good. The nurse (John) sat with me for a good 1/2 hour to make sure I would be OK. We did find out yesterday when we saw the Dr. that my Mom has a tumor but it is not cancer. Also her brain has shrunk probably from age. Over all we did pretty good yesterday. Jerry who is my hero drove us and watched over us and took good care of us. Today I went back out to the Dr. and had that terrible shot called Nulasta not to be confused with the sleep aid Lunesta. It makes my bones hurt like crazy but it builds white blood cells back up so I need it but it really hurts. I can tell I am starting the bad part again. My mouth is getting raw and I feel tired and starting to feel sick. I am dreading the next week or so but know that I can do it.

What I want to talk about is some of the things that have happened for the last week or so. First, last weekend we went to Kandiss' house and went to the fair. We had a really good time. Sydney went crazy with joy when she got to ride the pony's. She was so cute and unfortunately my camera was with Kandiss and her camera. Nataly's favorite was the big slide. I went down with Nataly and couldn't believe how crazy it was. I was laughing so hard and then the Girls went up again with their Mom & Dad and had just as much fun. We took a crazy picture of Jeff, Jerry and Myself with our bald heads. It was very strange for me to be in public with no hair. Most of the time I didn't remember but when someone would look at me I remembered because of the double take that they all do. I remember doing it many times.

The night before when Jerry was driving us up to Stansbury my head was itching and hair falling out but Kandiss wanted so bad to shave my head that I tried not to touch it too much. But when we got there and she ran her hands through my hair she started crying and said she couldn't do it. I told her my story of my mothers hair falling out. I remember asking her if she wanted to have her head shaved and she said no but would I please just brush it until it all came out. Joyce was there and started crying and left the room. I stayed and brushed it out and remember what a gift it was. It was one of the most difficult things I have done. But it was also one of the most special gifts of my life. So I told this story to Kandiss and asked her to take this chance for a special gift in her life. I hope she was not too burdened by that experience. She did a great job in my opinion. There are some pictures of the shaving and Jerry using my hair as his long beard.

The next morning when Nataly and Sydney woke up and saw my head was bald became very afraid of me. Nataly started crying and would not look at me. Finally during breakfast we talked and things got better. I told Nataly that most of her friends Grandparents had hair but her Nana did not have any. So when she got to the bus stop and her friends showed up she ran up to them and told them that her Nana didn't have any hair. She was a great social icon for the day. It was worth losing my hair for that alone. She even told her bus drivers. Nataly is great and little Sydney is a joy. I miss them all the time.

Saturday we went up to the Rock Quarry and spent a couple of hours up there and I always feel healed when I am there. The girls walked all over with us and had a good time. We talked about building a cabin up there. We have talked about that for a long time. Maybe sometime we will. It would a great place for us to gather together and grow close as a family. Extended family.

I can't remember if I wrote about Labor Day weekend. But my baby Gabby was given a name and blessing. The Lord blessed me with my hair for the day and I was grateful. Gabby looked so sweet and it was a special blessing for her and us. I finished her dress the day before. I had gone to Costco and bought a bunch of food for after the blessing and it turned out great. The Millgates where there for the blessing and that was wonderful. The Strongs came down from SLC and it was great being with them and there kids. Shirlene and Kody came with there wonderful little guys and we had a really nice time with everyone. I was very tired but decided that I would not miss anything. These times have always been a joy to me. I think there are some pictures from swimming together and some of the blessing.

Thank you everyone for praying and your thoughts for me. I feel them everyday. They are the things that help me get through the days that suck. I love all of you and love seeing and hearing from you.

To Jerry who is my best friend I love you more than life itself. Kandiss, Tasha and Whitney who have been my continual joy. My babies, Nataly, Sydney, Cash and Gabrielle who give constant joy and laughter. May you all know how much you have given my strength. A special thanks to all my family and friends who have touched my soul to the core.

Love Kathlene

09-09-08 89 days left

2008-09-09T08:24:00.000-06:00

Just Pictures

2008-08-27T22:37:00.001-06:00

08-27-08 One Week Down only 93 days left

2008-08-27T22:09:00.000-06:00

Well maybe tomorrow the dress will done. It has been a driving force to finish. I have until Saturday. Not really though the family is starting to come tomorrow. We will have both Millgates and Thayns down here. How did this happen? I could not have put it together even if I had the money to bribe everyone. So there is someone behind the scenes, we know who. Today is the first day I have felt pretty good. I called the Dr. yesterday and she called in some prescriptions for me. This mouthwash for the sores in my mouth and throat was prepared by the devil, it is awful. But it helps so I use it. Food is almost impossible to get down and if you do it tastes like a dirty dish clothe. I was also given a prescription for Dyflucan, the mircle drug. She gave 7 days worth. I already feel like a new bottom half. I quit taking the compozine it makes me feel really bad. But the Ativan is working well. Today I didn't take a nap and now I am the last person awake down here.

I worked at the bus yard today and felt pretty good. It was a good meeting. I spoke a couple of times with Don Smith who is the insurance broker for Mom & Dad. We feel the now have fairly great coverage. I worked at the office doing mostly catch up work. Mom had her toenail removed today and it is quite sore.

Big change ---- I actually watched a little of HSN ^ QVC and found things that interest me. Didn't buy anything which is good because Chemo Brains shouldn't make fashion decisions.

Last week there was a terrible accident that took the life of a young mother and one of her sons age 8, sent her other son to the Primary Children Hospital. Jerry & I went to the video store and say a box asking for donations. I knew I didn't have any cash surprise surprise so I said to Jerry give me all your cash we have to give right now. It took me out of self pity for quite some time amazing to think. Find the gifts that happen in experience of pain and suffering they are gifts that will change your perspective forever.
Kathlene

08-26-08 6 days down and 94 left

2008-08-26T08:52:00.000-06:00

Wow, last night was painful. I had so much pain in my bones which is from the shot of white blood cell builder they gave me. I am going to call and see if I can go to the Chiropractor today. Also my mouth is getting sores in it and my entire private parts front to back is raw and burning. I know to much info but Jerry had to listen to me moan all night long.

I worked on Gabby's dress this morning. I put in the sleeves. They are so tiny that it makes it difficult to sew them in especially when you can't see very good anymore.

Here is a cut picture of Gabby. She is getting so funny now. I hope I can spend time with her in the next few months. I usually can only hold her for a few minutes. Kandiss called this morning and said Nataly went to school today. And Nataly was so excited. I told her not to let her ever go to school but she told me Nana I have to I am five.

08-25-08 5 days post chemo 95 days left

2008-08-25T06:16:00.000-06:00

I got up this morning around 5:00 AM. Jerry kept telling me to go back to bed. But really when I can be awake and do something I am going to do just that. Today I got up and cleaned of my bathroom counter, scrubbed my shower, scrubbed my toilet and the floor around it. I started my shower and the creepy pain in my right arm caused by the removal of the lymph nodes started going to town. Well, I was already spent. So my goal today and maybe everyday is to do things that last about 15 minutes. This seems to be the amount of time I can tell how I am going to feel. I used to do this on my to do list. Everything that I could think of was laid out in 10-15 minutes intervals. I usually never got it all done but always got to cross off a bunch of things to do. This will be a little different because it might take me a week to cross off more than one thing but at least I don't feel dead when I am doing or thinking about doing.

I am still trying to complete Gabby's dress. When Grandma got her new sewing machine I got her old one. The problem is that it doesn't work so now I have to take it in to get it fixed so I can finish this dress. Or maybe I can try on her new sewing machine but I don't think I read all that info and still feel good enough to sew.

Last night Jerry & Whitney made tacos. I made the most beautiful taco I have seen in months. Fresh tortilla, taco meat, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, avocado, salt and pepper. I rolled it up in a paper towel so not one thing would fall out. Sat down and took on bite, yuck. It tasted like the paper towel. Second bite, even worse. What is this stuff that leaches into your mouth so that even when your not nauseated it tastes like paint or petroleum. It is hard to remember why I feel so terrible and that this is the best thing for me. My eyes are starting to burn and my head/hair hurts when I touch it. I can see how people get depressed. You don't feel good enough to feel anything else. Please stand by me during this it is not forever. 2009 will be a new year for me and all of us.

This is private for my children. Treat each other like today is the last day you have together. What would your thoughts be toward each other. Would you be jeolous or angry or would you be kind and gentle. Honor your spouses they are the fathers of my grandkids. Patience with those little ones if they need a minute give them 10 minutes because surely no one else will. I love you all and am so sorry for being such a drag.

Pictures I Found on My Camera

2008-08-23T13:09:00.001-06:00

Saturday 08-23-08

2008-08-23T11:02:00.001-06:00

Saturday 08-23-8

2008-08-23T11:02:00.000-06:00

Today I have worked on the baby blessing dress for baby Gabby. I am having trouble seeing. We choice a soft orange creme ribbon on white eyelet. I think she will be darling in it.

Just a little update on this chemo thing. It really sucks. Like it sucks the life out of you. I feel so out of it all the time. I want to get up an get things done. But something just chokes the life out of me. I feel like I just got off a Merry Go Round and am nauseated. Dizzy, food taste like a dog bone. Consistant headache. My mouth tastes and feels like concrete. So I am calling this "I FEEL FUNKY".

Jerry is trying so hard to be patient with me. Last night on a Friday night I could not stay awake after 6:30 pm. He has got to be so bored with me. I am bored with me. Sorry about the negative report but today is just to strange.

Chemo was today

2008-08-20T19:35:00.000-06:00

Today was the first day chemo. So my mom asked me (Kandiss) to blog for her tonight. She is really tired tonight. They did not have very much fun today at chemo. She had an allergic reaction to the chemo. The nurse said that it is common for people to have a reaction to the chemo. But for my mom she said that her back and hips felt like they were breaking. So when she told them that was happening they stopped the chemo and gave her some benedryl. That took away the pain and they started the chemo again but slower. My dad is having a hard time today. I know it was hard for him to be there watching my mom go through this. Grandma was there with her today. They took some pictures at chemo. Please keep praying for my mom. She wants me to let every one that she loves, and thanks every one for your prayers. She just wants all of to stay positive.

Love,
Kandiss

My fam

2008-08-20T10:18:00.000-06:00

I'm not really blogging today. I am just puting pictures of my family on.

The day at the zoo...

2008-08-19T19:57:00.000-06:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

8-18-08 journal 1

2008-08-18T18:20:00.000-06:00

I jsut want all of you to know that my daught Kandiss suggested that I do a journal. I thought that was a really good idea so every knows how I am doing and whats going on. We also talked about putting pictures on the blog too. I am feeling really good and chemo on Wed the 20th at 1pm. Mom and I are going together in a "chemo carpool". Today I had my 2 week check up with the surgen today and said that every thing looks good. We also had to go to the radiation doctor today and he said that every thing looks good to. I am going to start radiation after chemo is done. I hope every stays postitive for me and remeber our little fam in your prayers. Love you guys!!!!

Love,
Kathlene

My Breast Cancer

2008-08-08T17:40:00.000-06:00

Today I got my results from my PET Scan that I had 08/06/08. Jerry and I were driving to a Chiroprator appointment and I was so afraid of hearing what the results were. This scan shows most cancer that you have in body so it is very important. So when they called I couldn't breath. But then the words the results show that everything is clear. This is the highlight of my cancer so far. I felt like if it had shown more cancer that I would not have the courage to follow through. I feel strong today. I believe that I can do this treatment. I don't want to but I will. Thank you to my little family. All the phone calls, the questions, hugs, prayers and positive thoughts help me hve courage. I love you all and kisses to you Jerry.