Mom & Dad

Well a little update on my Mom & Dad. Things are definitely going downhill. Mom has a pretty good long term memory. Short term is completely short term. Maybe 5 minutes. She is falling a lot. She fell in October a couple of times and one time broke her wrist in two places. It is just now healing. Then she fell the first of January down the stairs in the middle of the night. She broke her back and dad had to call 911. She is suffering a lot from the pain. I think it is time to stop the Chemo. She has lived 3 years longer than they gave her in October 2005. At that time they gave 6 weeks to six months. She still wants to live. It breaks my heart everyday to see her this way. Even with all of this she seldom complains. In fact I have to grill her to tell me what is wrong so that I might be able to help her. Most of the time I can't seem to do anything. After having cancer myself and going through six months of Chemo I am amazed at her silent drive. She had an MRI yesterday and tomorrow the may do a small surgery on her back. I don't know if she can handle it but she said if it might help lets do it.

The hardest thing for me is to feel irritated with her sometimes. She is such a great woman/angel that I feel guilty getting frustrated. I just want to have my Mom back. Everyday before I go in to get her up to feed her breakfast and get her going my heart quits beating because I am afraid that she won't be OK. My Dad is scared and lonely. I try to take care of as much as possible but most of the problems do not have a solution. I try not feel failure. My prayer is that through all of this that I am able to teach my children compassion and service with unconditional love. That is what my Mother was an example through her whole life. I could always count on Mom for support and love and I miss her all of her everyday. The world is different without her.

I can't leave out my Father. He has always provided for our family in a completely different way. He taught to work hard and long hours. He taught to have courage. And now at this late time in his life he is teaching me to be humble. That what you have when you are young is changed in a moment as you get older. He comes downstairs almost everyday when I am working and just wants to talk. He is lonely and afraid. He repeats a lot. But I don't mind anymore. It is something I will be able to hold and to and share and giggle about later. I have not been in their shoes and have no great words of wisdom to share with them and just want to have a few more memories. Through all of this I am thankful for the blessings and gifts I have found along the way. I hold these things dear to my heart and pray that I become a little more like my parents. It is a difficult way to learn about the joy of service but I learn a little more each day.