Well a little update on my Mom & Dad. Things are definitely going downhill. Mom has a pretty good long term memory. Short term is completely short term. Maybe 5 minutes. She is falling a lot. She fell in October a couple of times and one time broke her wrist in two places. It is just now healing. Then she fell the first of January down the stairs in the middle of the night. She broke her back and dad had to call 911. She is suffering a lot from the pain. I think it is time to stop the Chemo. She has lived 3 years longer than they gave her in October 2005. At that time they gave 6 weeks to six months. She still wants to live. It breaks my heart everyday to see her this way. Even with all of this she seldom complains. In fact I have to grill her to tell me what is wrong so that I might be able to help her. Most of the time I can't seem to do anything. After having cancer myself and going through six months of Chemo I am amazed at her silent drive. She had an MRI yesterday and tomorrow the may do a small surgery on her back. I don't know if she can handle it but she said if it might help lets do it.
The hardest thing for me is to feel irritated with her sometimes. She is such a great woman/angel that I feel guilty getting frustrated. I just want to have my Mom back. Everyday before I go in to get her up to feed her breakfast and get her going my heart quits beating because I am afraid that she won't be OK. My Dad is scared and lonely. I try to take care of as much as possible but most of the problems do not have a solution. I try not feel failure. My prayer is that through all of this that I am able to teach my children compassion and service with unconditional love. That is what my Mother was an example through her whole life. I could always count on Mom for support and love and I miss her all of her everyday. The world is different without her.
I can't leave out my Father. He has always provided for our family in a completely different way. He taught to work hard and long hours. He taught to have courage. And now at this late time in his life he is teaching me to be humble. That what you have when you are young is changed in a moment as you get older. He comes downstairs almost everyday when I am working and just wants to talk. He is lonely and afraid. He repeats a lot. But I don't mind anymore. It is something I will be able to hold and to and share and giggle about later. I have not been in their shoes and have no great words of wisdom to share with them and just want to have a few more memories. Through all of this I am thankful for the blessings and gifts I have found along the way. I hold these things dear to my heart and pray that I become a little more like my parents. It is a difficult way to learn about the joy of service but I learn a little more each day.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Update - I am so bad at this!
Well we went to SLC to see Nat & Syd dance in the concert. Weather was terrible. Tasha and the kids came with us. They were pretty good. It was different driving with kids again. The fog was so scary. We didn't even know where we were.
The girls were so cute. They dance and run around. Syd makes me a nervous wreck I am so afraid she will fall and hit her head. She doesn't seem to concerned. They were so excited to see Cash & Gabby. Nataly just loves smothering Gabby and she likes it for a long time. Tasha likes the time off. Cash loves the stairs and the kids. I love being together with all of them. I miss Kandiss and her family.
Saturday we went to she Helen (Grandma Millgate) in Layton. We couldn't find her. We called around but to no success. We did find out from Willa that Mandy had had her baby the night before. He was about a month early. He had major heart problems including a hole and a few other things. Major stuff. We knew this ahead. So we decided to go see Mandy at the hospital.
As we walked into Primary Children's Mike Millgate jumped out of the Cafeteria and grabbed us. What a shock. Their new little baby boy was in the hospital also. He had RSV. They had not even had a chance to see him or take him home. We ate lunch with Mike, Shelly and Betty. We love these guys and always enjoy their company. We laugh, cry, swear, find out news and reminisce but most of all enjoy knowing each other.
I got to go see their baby boy. He is precious and handsome. Good luck guys I believe you will be great together.
They have little police cars that the kids can ride in and drive around at the hospital and Cash went crazy over them. We let him drive it almost all the way to the U of U to see Mandy. He was mad when we made him get out but as we were walking towards the U he saw a digger and crane outside the window and then he was mesmerized. Finally we got to see Mandy. She was a little out of it. We only stayed a few minutes because we had the kids and they seemed like they had more than they could deal with. Mandy is so little she seemed like she should be at the kids hospital instead. But she great big in her soul, what a special person she is. We didn't get to see Willa and Bob because we had to get back to she our flashy little ballerinas. Our prayers are with all of you in this difficult time.
I have to say that I do not like driving in all this N. Utah weather. Yuck. I do love SLC. Back to Stansbury Park. Kandiss took the kids to dress rehearsal and Syd was not having anything to do with getting on the stage. I don't blame her it was a big stage and she is so little. She loves dancing and performing but not on that stage at this time. It was great for me because she sat on my lap for a long time during the concert and I loved it. Finally she did her own little performance and we all had a front row up close private concert. Nataly gets on stage and the audience or at least our area went crazy. She smiled and waved and performed like a star. She is such a great kid. Cute as can be. Kandiss was stressed when Syd wouldn't get on stage at practice but by the time the concert came she offered her the chance to perform and sat behind the curtains just in case Syd changed her mind but no such luck.
These weekends are way to short. The drive home was miserable. The roads were scary and the kids got sick of sitting for hours in car seats. My back was at it's worst. Jerry was very uptight. But we made it home safely. The kids were so excited to get out of the car. Their dad came to get them. They were all excited to be together. I wish that we could spend more time with Ben. We always enjoy being with him and his little family. Love ya Ben.
This weekend would have been almost perfect is we could have had Whitney with us also. It seems to be a long time in between when we can be together as a family. I never thought I wouldn't be together with my children and their families. It saddens my heart. I enjoy being with all of them. They show me about joy.
Super Bowl Sunday was fun. We made a nice dinner with new recipes. A lot of work but I wanted to do it. My back on the other hand did not enjoy it at all. Ben & Tasha came with kids and we had a good time. Later Whitney and Steve came for a little while. We missed Kandiss and her family. Didn't care about the Super Bowl. It is just a nice time to get together. Jerry, Tasha and Ben played Rock Band and had a good time. I don't get the game but I don't get a lot of things.
Lorna & Tom and family came down for New Years to help out with Mom and Dad. It was great having the help. Karan and Tim came down last weekend and again thanks for the help. We always love having the help and the time together. Shannon and Larry should be coming this month and we look forward to seeing them and having the help with our parents. Then it starts all over again. This is great and such a help. Love you guys.
Remember brothers and sisters January 23, 2010. Aloha!
The girls were so cute. They dance and run around. Syd makes me a nervous wreck I am so afraid she will fall and hit her head. She doesn't seem to concerned. They were so excited to see Cash & Gabby. Nataly just loves smothering Gabby and she likes it for a long time. Tasha likes the time off. Cash loves the stairs and the kids. I love being together with all of them. I miss Kandiss and her family.
Saturday we went to she Helen (Grandma Millgate) in Layton. We couldn't find her. We called around but to no success. We did find out from Willa that Mandy had had her baby the night before. He was about a month early. He had major heart problems including a hole and a few other things. Major stuff. We knew this ahead. So we decided to go see Mandy at the hospital.
As we walked into Primary Children's Mike Millgate jumped out of the Cafeteria and grabbed us. What a shock. Their new little baby boy was in the hospital also. He had RSV. They had not even had a chance to see him or take him home. We ate lunch with Mike, Shelly and Betty. We love these guys and always enjoy their company. We laugh, cry, swear, find out news and reminisce but most of all enjoy knowing each other.
I got to go see their baby boy. He is precious and handsome. Good luck guys I believe you will be great together.
They have little police cars that the kids can ride in and drive around at the hospital and Cash went crazy over them. We let him drive it almost all the way to the U of U to see Mandy. He was mad when we made him get out but as we were walking towards the U he saw a digger and crane outside the window and then he was mesmerized. Finally we got to see Mandy. She was a little out of it. We only stayed a few minutes because we had the kids and they seemed like they had more than they could deal with. Mandy is so little she seemed like she should be at the kids hospital instead. But she great big in her soul, what a special person she is. We didn't get to see Willa and Bob because we had to get back to she our flashy little ballerinas. Our prayers are with all of you in this difficult time.
I have to say that I do not like driving in all this N. Utah weather. Yuck. I do love SLC. Back to Stansbury Park. Kandiss took the kids to dress rehearsal and Syd was not having anything to do with getting on the stage. I don't blame her it was a big stage and she is so little. She loves dancing and performing but not on that stage at this time. It was great for me because she sat on my lap for a long time during the concert and I loved it. Finally she did her own little performance and we all had a front row up close private concert. Nataly gets on stage and the audience or at least our area went crazy. She smiled and waved and performed like a star. She is such a great kid. Cute as can be. Kandiss was stressed when Syd wouldn't get on stage at practice but by the time the concert came she offered her the chance to perform and sat behind the curtains just in case Syd changed her mind but no such luck.
These weekends are way to short. The drive home was miserable. The roads were scary and the kids got sick of sitting for hours in car seats. My back was at it's worst. Jerry was very uptight. But we made it home safely. The kids were so excited to get out of the car. Their dad came to get them. They were all excited to be together. I wish that we could spend more time with Ben. We always enjoy being with him and his little family. Love ya Ben.
This weekend would have been almost perfect is we could have had Whitney with us also. It seems to be a long time in between when we can be together as a family. I never thought I wouldn't be together with my children and their families. It saddens my heart. I enjoy being with all of them. They show me about joy.
Super Bowl Sunday was fun. We made a nice dinner with new recipes. A lot of work but I wanted to do it. My back on the other hand did not enjoy it at all. Ben & Tasha came with kids and we had a good time. Later Whitney and Steve came for a little while. We missed Kandiss and her family. Didn't care about the Super Bowl. It is just a nice time to get together. Jerry, Tasha and Ben played Rock Band and had a good time. I don't get the game but I don't get a lot of things.
Lorna & Tom and family came down for New Years to help out with Mom and Dad. It was great having the help. Karan and Tim came down last weekend and again thanks for the help. We always love having the help and the time together. Shannon and Larry should be coming this month and we look forward to seeing them and having the help with our parents. Then it starts all over again. This is great and such a help. Love you guys.
Remember brothers and sisters January 23, 2010. Aloha!
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