I feel shitty!!!!!!!

It's been one week since my last chemo. I keep hoping to feel normal again and now I think I have forgotten what normal is. I am trying to have faith and know that time will make things different. But today I am weak. I am shaking and I feel like I am only part way here. My mouth is sore and it feels like alligator skin. It hurts and feels foreign, like everything about me. I hope that I can be me again. It's strange when your not you. It has a feeling of being intoxicated but it is not fun. My fingers hurt and don't feel attached. My toes are like blocks of wood.
My skin is bagging everywhere on me. I feel like I look like the frozen lady in the tub in the movie "The Shining". My favorite scary movie. I think I needed to go have some hydration today but I didn't have anyone who could drive me and I am sure that I would be arrested if I got caught driving. So I told Mom & Dad that I needed to go home. Hope the office is OK. I am afraid that I will always be tired. I can't even walk upstairs without needing to take a break. I want to be me again. I pray it is possible. Hopefully this is my last whining blog. I am supposed to go have my nails done today even that sounds like way to much work. The good news from this session of chemo is Mom didn't have chemo. Her kidney function was way down. So lucky her she is taking a break. But they always weigh you and I have to tell everyone that by their scale I have lost 109 pounds. Can you believe it. I can't. I am looking forward to enjoying some shopping when I feel better. I think I wear a size 14. Almost a 12 but definately not a 24! I hope the chemo and the radiation haven't caused permenant damage to my stomach and all that I had done. I know there will be some damage but hopefully most I will be able to work through. Well I can't stand listening to me whine so that is all for now. I will write back when I feel better. I Love all of you and am thankful for your thoughts, prayers and calls.
Love,
Nana Kathlene